Category Archives: Freely Flowing Thoughts

Once during my college years, I was standing in my mom’s kitchen surrounded by her hoards when she told me I’d never be able to have a successful relationship because I’m too permanently damaged. A recent psych exam stated that “patients like [me]” are unable to form bonds with other people or long-term relationships. OnceContinue reading “Unable”

I genuinely wonder what evil I must have committed in a past life to get me this life sentence. The childhood I was given was a constant state of traumatic experiences that I had no ability to escape. And when I tried to move past it all in adulthood it followed me both in personalityContinue reading “Karma for Evil”

Why can society not accept suicide as a viable option? Why are people who seriously have no hope of having a quality of life above miserable not allowed a way out? I’ve read that 96% of suicide attempts fail, and that statistic now keeps me from trying. Not because I’m afraid of failure but becauseContinue reading “Trigger Warning – Read with Caution”

I’ve spent my life being a pawn in various peoples worlds. I’ve yet to live my own life on my own terms. I’ve tried so very hard to carve out my own life where I can be myself and pursue my interests and maybe even be accepted as I am. But I’ve failed at that.Continue reading “A Pawn”

I like to imagine that someday I’ll matter to someone, but I need to accept that that is a fantasy.

How do I accept being worthless? How do I push myself through each day taking up resources but contributing nothing in the slightest? I am too bone tired and in too much pain to do any physical labor, my brain gets muddled and I rarely get in an intelligent conversation or intelligent private thoughts, myContinue reading “Worthless”

I just, I just don’t.

I won’t say I was raised by my mother, but she was in my vicinity as I grew up. And I didn’t gain a step-mother, although my dad did remarry and it’s a term that’s been in place since I was a preteen. Eventually as an adult I got one final shot at that nurturingContinue reading “Any Mother’s Day”

Growing up in unending turmoil there were many normal experiences I never knew. I wasn’t able to remove myself from the constant dysfunction until I went to college, and it was in my senior year that I finally found peace. Of course, as with any life, issues arose from time to time in the yearsContinue reading “Peace”

2019 came to a close in stunning success. I had hoped for a year of healing and progress, and that’s just what I had. My hopes of 2020 were to continue on that trajectory, and that’s absolutely not what I had. In fact 2020 spiraled out of control and no one seems able to findContinue reading “2020”