Category Archives: Freely Flowing Thoughts

I genuinely wonder what evil I must have committed in a past life to get me this life sentence. The childhood I was given was a constant state of traumatic experiences that I had no ability to escape. And when I tried to move past it all in adulthood it followed me both in personalityContinue reading “Karma for Evil”

Why can society not accept suicide as a viable option? Why are people who seriously have no hope of having a quality of life above miserable not allowed a way out? I’ve read that 96% of suicide attempts fail, and that statistic now keeps me from trying. Not because I’m afraid of failure but becauseContinue reading “Trigger Warning – Read with Caution”

I’ve spent my life being a pawn in various peoples worlds. I’ve yet to live my own life on my own terms. I’ve tried so very hard to carve out my own life where I can be myself and pursue my interests and maybe even be accepted as I am. But I’ve failed at that.Continue reading “A Pawn”

I like to imagine that someday I’ll matter to someone, but I need to accept that that is a fantasy.

How do I accept being worthless? How do I push myself through each day taking up resources but contributing nothing in the slightest? I am too bone tired and in too much pain to do any physical labor, my brain gets muddled and I rarely get in an intelligent conversation or intelligent private thoughts, myContinue reading “Worthless”

I just, I just don’t.

I won’t say I was raised by my mother, but she was in my vicinity as I grew up. And I didn’t gain a step-mother, although my dad did remarry and it’s a term that’s been in place since I was a preteen. Eventually as an adult I got one final shot at that nurturingContinue reading “Any Mother’s Day”

Growing up in unending turmoil there were many normal experiences I never knew. I wasn’t able to remove myself from the constant dysfunction until I went to college, and it was in my senior year that I finally found peace. Of course, as with any life, issues arose from time to time in the yearsContinue reading “Peace”

2019 came to a close in stunning success. I had hoped for a year of healing and progress, and that’s just what I had. My hopes of 2020 were to continue on that trajectory, and that’s absolutely not what I had. In fact 2020 spiraled out of control and no one seems able to findContinue reading “2020”

I feel like I’m running up a down escalator, against a strong wind. I’ve been doing it continuously for so long that my body is exhausted despite making no upward gains. Soon I’ll have to collapse and be eaten by the claws at the bottom.