Category Archives: Freely Flowing Thoughts

I’ve been reading a book lately that has had me in pieces a few times. It’s about the science behind how our bodies hold onto our traumas and what we can do knowing that. So far the tears shed have been over case studies I relate to and examples of trauma in the body thatContinue reading “A tough reading”

I know who I am. And I know who I want to be. And the two are as opposed to each other as my mania and depression because I can escape my bipolar nowhere. I guess I thought that if I spent long enough pretending I actually am who I want to be then eventuallyContinue reading “Who you are”

I’ve had six good days in a row. To have one good day was mostly unheard of the past two plus years, so to have so many together is astounding. Today I even feel normal. And at the risk of being too optimistic, I want to make sure I’m focused and ready if this reallyContinue reading “Good days”

My sickness is now evolving to where I need a companion almost 24/7 to keep me from having bipolar meltdowns. It’s not a matter of distraction because I can do that okay, but my husband’s presence calms me in a way nothing else can. And it seems like I’m always on the brink of aContinue reading “Evolving”

Historically I’ve avoided acknowledging my birthday. I’ve had no problem with the concept of aging, but the day always proved itself too ripe for hurting me and naturally I learned to avoid it. Growing up my birthday was generally forgotten, or at best marked a month late to make up for it being missed. WhichContinue reading “Birthdays”

I can think of nothing else to help myself. I’ve tried everything and I’ve reached out to all possible resources, but I’m never better. I’ll never be better. If I could commit suicide without fear of, per usual, it only making things worse by failing, I would. I would give anything to die because there’sContinue reading “Out”

In my first 20+ years I jammed in more than most people do in a lifetime. My nature screams for peace. And for 15+ years I’ve been zeroing in on the peace and quiet and solitude that I desperately need just to survive, let alone thrive. But my body just adjusts along with my setting,Continue reading “A Lifetime”

I feel I need to pen a letter of gratitude. I tend to only post when my emotions are getting the better of me and organizing my thoughts into words that I give forth to the void help me process it all. I’ve been exceptionally emotional the past three weeks over nothing in particular, andContinue reading “A Letter of Gratitude”

I can relate to Robin Williams. By all accounts he was always making sure everyone around him felt good because he knew true pain and never wanted anyone else to feel that. I reckon that he, like me, had no one to reciprocate.

Once during my college years, I was standing in my mom’s kitchen surrounded by her hoards when she told me I’d never be able to have a successful relationship because I’m too permanently damaged. A recent psych exam stated that “patients like [me]” are unable to form bonds with other people or long-term relationships. OnceContinue reading “Unable”