Category Archives: Freely Flowing Thoughts

I had hoped to prove Arnold wrong. Man you know you’re effed up when you hope your neurologist appointment will tell you that you have a brain tumor. At least that would have a course of action. But, no, another appointment another stumped doctor. Sigh.

I’ve never been afraid of dying. I don’t pretend to know what comes after our body fails, but I have no reason to believe it could possibly be worse than the struggles I’ve endured in this life. At worse our spirit continues on enduring trials like it’s always endured, at best we reincarnate to startContinue reading “A Good Death”

The local school has a group of Mean Girls. Well, five mean girls and one mean guy they’re all clamoring to impress. This group is universally disliked, yet they play the game so perfectly that they hold all the power in the school. There’s also this one girl in the school who is their completeContinue reading “Mean Girls”

Every dysfunctional group, generally large families or large work places, has their appointed scapegoat. In my family that’s me. Perhaps I was the easiest to use since I’ve always refused to play nasty in return. Perhaps I was singled out simply because my personality singles me out from the rest of them who are allContinue reading “A Scapegoat Escaped”

Today I did what I have tried to do countless times before – I went no contact with my immediate family. I’ve blocked each of them from my phone, so now I can’t even let them poke me into a response. Today my dad yelled at me for being a liar who claims health issuesContinue reading “No Contact”

Today we had a sit down with my grandparents to talk about the welfare of a couple teenagers in the family. My husband and I are trying to do our best to help them succeed but anyone who ever has legal control over them gives them little more than trauma and dysfunctional life lessons. AtContinue reading “The Trauma that Keeps on Giving.”

There’s a medical treatment I get every weekday afternoon. Because of Covid-19 safety precautions patients are no longer allowed in the waiting room with couches and chairs but rather must wait on the solid surfaces of the elevator lobby. I’m always a few minutes early, but even a few minutes is too long for myContinue reading “When Defeat Seems Imminent.”

Imagine walking around your lawn and there’s a slightly wet spot. Each time you walk around your lawn that spot seems wetter and wetter. One day you realize that the waterline from the street to your house runs through that wet spot, so clearly you have a leaking pipe. Responsibly you call a plumber toContinue reading “Pipe Dreams”

There’s a colony of ants marching inside of me. They’re touring my entire innards, primarily focusing on my chest cavity. The problem with this is that instead of carrying bread crumbs or sugar granules they each have a haul of different emotions. It’s all encompassing and overwhelming and makes me need to simultaneously scream andContinue reading “Ants”

I’ve had difficulty gathering my thoughts lately. Partially that’s because my brain is struggling and partially because I’ve been too exhausted to think. Today I had therapy, which of course forced me to articulate the past week. I received several lab results this week and the overall theme is dreary. When I told my PrimaryContinue reading “But About Today…”