thebadgerspath

A fragile ecosystem

It seems to me that a person with Biploar Disorder is a fragile ecosystem. We have the ability to live beautiful, flurishing lives but to do so requires everything going right. Our ecosystem requires regular watering and feeding, regular and enough sleep, no one unpredictable in our lives, and, you know, all other variables toContinue reading “A fragile ecosystem”

Safety

We had stayed up late studying at his place and, honestly, he was right that it was silly for me to drive across town to sleep two hours before coming back for class. So we cuddled. And while we cuddled in his bed, me between him and the wall, I felt something new. I feltContinue reading “Safety”

Healthy experiences

My six year old niece is into fairies and forests and magic, just as I remember being at that age. And one of my small handful of good memories involves my oldest sister leaving me presents like coloring pages after I would leave fairies presents like colored-in coloring pages. It didn’t last long and IContinue reading “Healthy experiences”

Nibbles

Do you want to know how disgusting our house was growing up? About fifth grade I was sleeping in my mom’s room with her since the divorce at her request. She was pathetic and couldn’t be alone. Anyway, one night I’m lying there and something is tickling my arm but my arm is under myContinue reading “Nibbles”

Nope ropes

Twelve years old. A hoarder’s den. The air conditioner in the heat of Texas summer is out. The windows are open and there’s no front door to shut anyway. In a delirium I walk through the house to get something cold from the kitchen but the refrigerator was empty. I turn back to go toContinue reading “Nope ropes”

Wholesome family dinners

Some of my earliest memories is from the highchair of the dining table, all five of the family together, before being beyond alone. I was a picky eater as a toddler. Correction – I always was and still am a picky eater. I can taste every detail in a mouthful and guess I just haveContinue reading “Wholesome family dinners”

Shame

I remember the first time I felt shame. I was in first grade and living in a shack with my parents and E while K stayed next door in our house by herself. E and I shared the bedroom while my parents slept in the living room, but instead of sharing a bed like weContinue reading “Shame”

A Pivotal Shift

I would have been six or seven years old at the time, asleep in a daybed upstairs at my grandmothers in the middle of the night. The room I was in attached by large pocket doors to the room my parents slept in when we stayed there, but only my mother was in the bed. Continue reading “A Pivotal Shift”

Repressed then Released

Trigger warning: incest / rape I haven’t known how to put this experience into words but recently read another woman’s account and it is so accurate to mine that I’ll begin with her words then expand with my own. “Maggie told us during her EMDR session she had vividly remembered her father’s rape when sheContinue reading “Repressed then Released”

A tough reading

I’ve been reading a book lately that has had me in pieces a few times. It’s about the science behind how our bodies hold onto our traumas and what we can do knowing that. So far the tears shed have been over case studies I relate to and examples of trauma in the body thatContinue reading “A tough reading”