Author Archives: thebadgerspath

I don’t partake on “vices.” No judgement to those who do, I just know my own weakness. Many of my relatives have destroyed their own lives and lives around them by taking those outlets to the extreme. I’ve always been aware of the addiction in my genes as well as the mental illnesses I’ve inherited,Continue reading “Control”

I shared recently about having two internal monologues. Fear of admitting the truth to myself kept my details restrained. But I can’t stop describing my experience to myself so for an escape I’ll write.  Most often, and always when out of control, two distinct voices roll from their ear, across the front of my brain, andContinue reading “Within my skull”

Mania isn’t the relief of depression. That’s a common misconception. Mania presents itself differently for everyone and can evolve over ones lifetime. Currently for me mania makes my entire body buzz as my brain slowly shifts side to side unable to focus. There’s no sleep for however many days it lasts. It’s common to seekContinue reading “Mania”

When people come out of the womb with a genetic difference such as Down Syndrome, they are granted the grace to break the norm in whatever they’re doing and communicate through how they process the world. I came out of the womb with bad brain chemistry that then had chronic trauma added to it. ButContinue reading “Grace”

As my intellectual disabilities progress and I continue to travel deeper into madness, my prospects decrease exponentially. I always told myself with enough effort and knowledge I would conquer my rough start and live a good life as I aged. Confronting the truth is bleak.

I don’t necessarily want to explain myself for fear of someone labeling me with yet another mental illness, but I’ll clarify myself here since I think it’ll help to get it out and since no one reads this anyway. Most of us have an internal monologue or at least a train of thought.  I have two.  TheyContinue reading “Coming to a head”

The federal government has declared me disabled. So the set up here is the fact that I quite literally cannot take care of my day to day needs anymore. The result is that I must be grateful for absolutely everything I have because I’m not participating in providing it.  The most I deserve and shouldContinue reading “Needs”

My way of understanding the world and my experiences as well as my way of processing things seems to be different than everyone else. Always has. I find it takes a lot of thought to find parallel experiences or relatable examples to convey myself to others. Well, I’m fucking tired of it. I’m done explainingContinue reading “Viewpoint”

It’s never the appropriate time to share my shit with anyone. Yet they all say they’re available any time I need.

Trigger warning: suicide. Our internet has been in and out the last few days which led me to my phone for media which led me down a Facebook rabbit hole of true crime podcast clips. And now I have some thoughts. I almost died today – twice. First at a ridiculously dangerous train crossing whichContinue reading “But they wouldn’t…”