Worthless

How do I accept being worthless? How do I push myself through each day taking up resources but contributing nothing in the slightest? I am too bone tired and in too much pain to do any physical labor, my brain gets muddled and I rarely get in an intelligent conversation or intelligent private thoughts, my mood is mercurial and often out of my control, and I’ve become ugly so I’m not even pleasant to look at. I cannot participate in life or contribute to anything; I am a worthless sack of meat.

And I haven’t found a way to accept that. I’ll be kind to myself and allow myself necessary bedridden days as they come, but as soon as I start to feel decent I push myself to participate in life and I consistently fail. I’m such an expletive worthless failure.

I just want to participate. I want to give not only take. And there’s nothing in my forecast indicating I’ll ever be more than I am right now. How can one individual have absolutely no prospects? I used to be so full of potential. I used to be so full of life. I used to put good into this world. Now I just take.