Robotic

A childhood riddled with abuse that streamed into, to a lesser degree, my adulthood has made me rather robotic emotionally.

My physical health is basically a poorly built machine comprised of shoddy parts and whenever one part fails it causes another part to overwork until it fails and dominos. But by the time the repairman fixes broken part a they’ve got to play catchup to find broken parts b-f and it’s a guarantee part a will fail again making it a never ending repair job.

So given my rather robotic state, why can’t I lie down on a charging station and turn off for the night then turn back on in the morning fully charged for the day? The struggle to fall asleep is as constant as the pure exhaustion. Why can’t I just fucking fall asleep? And even if I do sleep I still wake up with a critically low battery.

I’m tired of this. Literally.