I started a new therapist about a year and a half ago. Instantly I liked her. She listened, she spoke – it felt like a real partnership in my health and wellbeing. I spend an hour with her every week in difficult and trying topics. It was great having an interactive therapist who truly wanted to help better my life rather than quickly give up on me as being too broken to fix and yet too high functioning to change.
For months she pushed me to quit working. She was certain my health couldn’t keep up and hopeful that resting at home would help my body and allow more time to devote to fixing my body. I would tell her it wasn’t financially viable and she’d always point out that she’d help get me Disability. Finally my body could go no more and it forced me to quit just about every remaining aspect of my life. My therapist was happy I finally stopped everything because now I should be better able to take care of myself.
Every session left me feeling like she was in my corner.
I’m going through the Social Security Disability process, which requires a government amount of paperwork. My therapist had been asked to fill out a few pages of questions about me, all simply check what applies. My Social Security lawyer sent it to me and I naively looked it over. I was shocked to see that my therapist had unnecessarily written in on this official government document that she is unsure whether I am sick or not.
My biggest advocate of, “You’re too sick and need to stop working” and who spent months pushing me to stop working, who has listened to me talk about my often debilitating situations and watched my cry about the pain some procedures have caused, who has gotten visibly angry about how flippant my family is towards my health – she is now officially saying she isn’t sure whether there’s anything medically wrong with me or not.
I feel so betrayed. How do I open up to her about anything again? Why should I waste my energy explaining what I’m going through?
Since filling out that form she found herself on the receiving end of an unusual medical issue and went to the ER. No tests could identify any abnormalities. She told me that as she laid in the ER bed with no answers but knowing something was wrong, she thought about me and how that must be how I’ve felt countless times. How incredibly hypocritical.
thebadgerspath.com 