I wonder. I wonder – is my mind so permanently damaged that its automatic reaction to a bad situation is suicidal musings? Or is my life so far simply entrenched in unavoidable situations I can’t escape and in lieu of hope I just want an end to existing?
I was trapped in the confines of childhood and the circumstances the adults around me created. Finally as an adult with my own income and determination to succeed, I flourished and was at times at peace. But that was too good to last for me. While I do still have the independence of adulthood, I am now trapped in a disintegrating body that no one seems able to fix.
There’s no out. There’s no hope of out. I can’t escape my body the way I ran the clock out on childhood. It’s all so hopeless.
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