A Baby Fixes Everything

I was planned, but I was never wanted.

My family has this really unhealthy saying that, “a baby fixes everything.” I personally have been told that I should procreate so that I have a better relationship with my sisters. Not because I want to create life with my spouse and lovingly raise a responsible member of society – no, to get along with my sisters better. I, just, there are no words.

My parents relationship was in bad shape before they were married. He was an abusive alcoholic who slept around – she was a clingy hoarder with no personality of her own. She’s always thrived off of being a victim and getting attention for her troubles, so one can only assume she married him in order to place herself in prime victim territory.

By the time I came along they were already a decade deep into a marriage doomed to only grow exponentially worse. The pregnancy with me was timed, I was carried to term, I was brought home and kept. I believe my mom didn’t want ME but did want something to magically fix her marriage. Shockingly another child made life more difficult. There are no hospital pictures of me as there are of my sisters. My sisters have plenty of baby pictures, but only one baby picture exists of me and it includes my sisters when I’m a few months old and the obligatory Texas bluebonnet field picture was taken. There are no endearing stories of me or anything of happiness. I was a burden from birth.

Then to make matters worse, my personality never grew into their mold. How selfish of me, right!? My purpose was to improve a dysfunctional family and when I didn’t do that I could have at least fit into their style of dysfunction and shallow behavior! I mean, expletive!