I woke up yesterday morning in excruciating pain throughout my entire body. When I got up and saw my reflection, I was surprised that none of it reflected back at me. Shouldn’t my head be three times its normal size, with blood vessels visible and squiggly lines coming out of it to portray the throbbing? Shouldn’t the smooth curve of my neck to shoulders have a big muscle tied in a knot on each side? Shouldn’t all of my joints be red and angry? Shouldn’t my gastrointestinal system be twisting and turning? Shouldn’t my skin be covered in exclamation marks?
None of my chronic illnesses are visible, and none of them are going away. I have a plethora of invisible chronic illnesses. The physical, emotional, and mental agony I endure constantly is a heavy burden and it is taking its toll.
I’m confused. I’m confused partially because my brain has stopped working efficiently or processing new information, and partially because it’s a lot of information to grasp and digest. And we’re still finding diagnosis after diagnosis to add to the pile.
I just want to be well. Or at least be well enough. But instead I’m a young woman, medium height medium build, with all my parts and pieces, and practically disabled. I look perfectly normal, but I’m so very sick. This is no life to live, it’s just survival for the sake of surviving.
thebadgerspath.com 