Category Archives: A Narrative

The best con artists are the ones you don’t suspect. So in the Lonestar State, where fierce independence is required and the most successful people have to pretend to be self-made, a religious commune wouldn’t be a successful cult. But do you know what does work? I do. I was raised in a cult. AContinue reading “A cult”

A half-assed psych evaluation I did a couple years ago reported that I did well in school. I was successful at school as an adolescent and young adult, but I never did well at it. As a child in elementary school, I failed everything that wasn’t creative and up for interpretation. I don’t process informationContinue reading “School”

We had stayed up late studying at his place and, honestly, he was right that it was silly for me to drive across town to sleep two hours before coming back for class. So we cuddled. And while we cuddled in his bed, me between him and the wall, I felt something new. I feltContinue reading “Safety”

Do you want to know how disgusting our house was growing up? About fifth grade I was sleeping in my mom’s room with her since the divorce at her request. She was pathetic and couldn’t be alone. Anyway, one night I’m lying there and something is tickling my arm but my arm is under myContinue reading “Nibbles”

Twelve years old. A hoarder’s den. The air conditioner in the heat of Texas summer is out. The windows are open and there’s no front door to shut anyway. In a delirium I walk through the house to get something cold from the kitchen but the refrigerator was empty. I turn back to go toContinue reading “Nope ropes”

Some of my earliest memories is from the highchair of the dining table, all five of the family together, before being beyond alone. I was a picky eater as a toddler. Correction – I always was and still am a picky eater. I can taste every detail in a mouthful and guess I just haveContinue reading “Wholesome family dinners”

I remember the first time I felt shame. I was in first grade and living in a shack with my parents and E while K stayed next door in our house by herself. E and I shared the bedroom while my parents slept in the living room, but instead of sharing a bed like weContinue reading “Shame”

I would have been six or seven years old at the time, asleep in a daybed upstairs at my grandmothers in the middle of the night.  The room I was in attached by large pocket doors to the room my parents slept in when we stayed there, but only my mother was in the bed. Continue reading “A Pivotal Shift”

Trigger warning: incest / rape I haven’t known how to put this experience into words but recently read another woman’s account and it is so accurate to mine that I’ll begin with her words then expand with my own.               “Maggie told us during her EMDR session she had vividly remembered her father’s rape when sheContinue reading “Repressed then Released”

There’s a particular memory that has been playing in loop in my head the last two days. It’s no more or less astounding than any of the other normal days in that household, but it’s being persistent so I’ll share. I would have been four or five years old, just learning my letters and howContinue reading “A Test to Fail”